How deep are you willing to dig to go for gold? Through coaching I have come to realize that people are not always prepared to go where no one has gone before, … in terms of uncovering the dirt that keeps the gold buried and unutilized for their own prosperity and growth.
It takes effort to go that deep and sometimes the sweat and pain just does not feel worth it. However, the true gems are stored in the shadow parts of our identity and existence.
I am very aware these days of how our energy attracts or repels opportunities from our lives. The other day I saw a quote stating that you cannot have a positive life with negative thoughts and realized how simple and yet how true it is.
These days I make a point of asking myself all sorts of valuable questions. As a journalist I always wanted to understand why people made the choices they made and as a coach I realize that I need to find out why people do what they do without asking the why question. Interestingly our brains perceive the question why as being judgemental and will rather shut down than go to the true motive of our decisions or behaviour.
So how do we go deeper to find the hidden treasures that can set us free to move into a life of peace, truth and abundance? If we are willing and committed enough, it is easier than we realize.
It starts with a simple question that we can ask ourselves and if we are honest will lead us to the next question and the next question until all the questions have one simple truth. It is this truth that will set us free.
I did something I am not happy about. The question is, what did I feel when I did what I did or said what I said? What did I think when I experienced the emotion?
One morning I lost my temper when I went into my son’s room and saw that his bed was not made up and that his cupboard doors were wide open. I told my child that he should listen and stop being lazy. He should close his cupboard doors and not always look for the easy way out. Later I felt bad and wished I handled it better. I realised that I made him feel inadequate and ashamed and basically told him that he always looks for the easy way out, in other words he is not someone with character. This is simply not true and definitely not something I want to sow in his life. I have changed my narrative and now I tell him that I realize his lack of self-discipline will not serve him in the end. He now has to pay me R5 from his pocket money every time I see that his cupboard doors are open and his bed is not made. This is now a win-win situation. I have money for all the car guards and he soon realized that paying R5 every time is not going to be sustainable. Lesson learnt.
What emotion did I feel when I saw him not closing his cupboard doors for the tenth time? I felt disappointed and angry. What thoughts triggered the emotions? I felt that he does not listen to me and therefore does not respect me. What do these thoughts say about my belief about myself and maybe even other people? My belief that informs my thoughts that triggered my emotion that materialized into my behaviour, was that if people do not listen to me, they do not respect me. Is this the truth or is this my truth? Where else did I experience this feeling and thought pattern. Memories comes to light when my brother sometimes ignored me to show his disrespect or annoyance. Again, is this the truth, or is this my truth? The fact of the matter is that this belief about myself and how people treat me, has become my truth and certainly does not serve me anymore, neither does it serve my son.
When we really go all the way to the gold, we usually end up at our core identity. What we believe about ourselves and what we choose to believe about others.
Another principle to live by is that our attitude determines our altitude. It is so easy to find something to be negative about. The question is how will this “something” serve you and how will it affect and impact your relationships, your choices, your being? No one out there has the power to make us negative unless we allow it. Some people are so negative, all they need is a dark room to develop. We have however the freedom to choose who we spend time with and who has the privilege of speaking into our lives.
Once we realize that we can sow positivity and love and acceptance rather than judgement, anger and bitterness, we start enjoying the fruit of our harvest.
I hope this process will help you as it does me. We need to practice it often to ensure that a new thought pattern emerges that will not only change your thinking but also your emotions and your actions. It can change your core identity, your world view, your personal relationships and in truth … your new way of being.
The higher the building the deeper the foundation needs to be.